Confederate Humour

Root Hog or Die

It is a fact in the history of the for Southern Independence, that Stonewall Jackson was victorious in the battle on several occasions. For Instance, he defeated various Union armies in the Shenandoah valley of Virginia in 1862 almost with impunity. Stonewall's admirers have said that it was his skill as a military officer that won these victories and that is certainly true but many of his hungry soldiers believed that "necessity" was one of the ingredients of his success. In other words, they reasoned, Jackson had to defeat the Yankees as the only means by which he could feed his troops.

John Robson, a rebel in the 52nd Virginia, illustrated this concept with a tale he had once heard. Here in his own words, is Robson's analogy.

"It is related, on good authority, that "once upon a time" a traveller found a boy, with a hoe and crowbar, hard at work digging under a big rock and inquired what he was after. "Groundhog under here" was the sententious reply. "Do you expect to get him out?" asked the traveller. "Expect to get him!" said the boy -"got to get him: preacher be at our house to-day, and we're out of meat."

Wagons

The mention of General Jackson brings to mind an anecdote of his expertise at seizing Yankee supplies and the wagons that hauled the bounty. During the Shenandoah Valley Campaign of 1862, a company by the name of "Moffat & McKnabb" of Wheeling, Virginia, made wagons for the Union Army. Generally every Monday they shipped 75 of the vehicles to the Federals in the Valley, wagons that were often captured by Jackson's cavalry soon after their delivery.

Sometime during this period a paroled Yankee soldier brought a letter to the offices of the wagon manufacture. It was from the Rebel general himself.

Messrs. Moffatt & McKnabb, Wheeling, Va.

Dear Sirs,
I have just received your latest consignment of wagons. I like them very much but hereafter please make their tongues a little stronger, as many of them are broken off when turned over to me.
Respectfully T.J. Jackson

The "Know Nothing" Party

One strong trait of Stonewall Jackson, which persists throughout many eyewitness accounts of his character, concerns his fanatical belief in keeping his military plans secret. The general told no one of his tactics, lest some person gave away information which might help the enemy.

In late June 1862 prior to leaving their camps at Mount Meridian, Virginia an order was issued from "Stonewall" to his troops. This directive instructed all soldiers to tell no one the names of their units or commanders, and in short, to answer all questions with feigned ignorance.

One day shortly afterward, Jackson happened upon a lowly private crossing a field, headed toward some ripe cherry trees. Attacks on these trees had caused much straggling by his men while on the march, and Jackson had not been able to keep it in check. So, here was a fellow of whom he could make an example. Riding up to his target of opportunity, the general inquired:

"What division do you belong to ?"
"Don't know" answered the miscreant.
"What brigade ?" was Stonewalls next inquiry.
Again, "Don't know."
"Well" persisted Jackson, "What regiment do you belong to?" thinking that he had found an answerable question, but once again came the same "Don't know."
Then with some roughness of tone, the general exclaimed, "What do you know sir?"
The stoic Reb looked up and said: "I know that old Stonewall ordered me not to know anything, and dammed if I ain't going to stick to it."

The general turned away smiling, "at the extreme literal construction of orders which had saved the soldier from the punishment he had meditated for him."

Extracts from Rebel Humour by Gregory A Coco

The above article first appeared in the ACWS Newsletter, Summer 2006